The Power of Being Heard - the catalyst for having a voice

Having been an exchange student in Germany years ago, I was horrified today to read an article in the newspaper about a German exchange student who was hosted here in NZ and suffered sexual abuse at the hands of her host-father.

My body sensed this as abhorrent. I felt sick in the stomach. Sadness flooded my face and my eyes wept for a stranger, but a kindred Spirit – excited to head to the other side of the world for new experiences, but certainly not this initiation into abuse, which started innocently, but followed the action path of a “groomer.”

Her message was sexual abusers are not necessarily the “monsters’ out there lurking. They’re the neighbour, the guy who does the BBQ, the DOC ranger and in her case, also her host dad, who also fostered a child.

What does loss potentially look like in this scenario from an observers’ point of view (mine) but as someone who listens and guides people through their grief?

• Loss of innocence. She had come from what she called a “pure culture” – growing up in religion and saving herself till marriage. This man used that against her with his rationalisations and grooming grotesqueness.

• Loss of freedom. Her imagined adventure of a lifetime to the other side of the world as a young care-free teen, became a prison of re-offending by her abuser with her suffering silently and in paralysing fear.

• Loss of body autonomy. She was betrayed. She had someone violate her against her own body, religious, cultural and personal code.

But the turning point. The catalyst for healing. She came back to NZ. Someone heard her. They named abuse for what it was. This was “news” to her ears and a name for such abhorrence which lead to her suffering. And this “hearing of her” lifted something off her back. It lightened her. And her voice emerged.

I can’t wait to hear the follow-up of her standing in court against this man and being heard for the strong voice that is emerging now that she has gained some wings by being heard.

Got your own story of loss that needs a listening ear? As a Grief guide, I am here for you. Why not book a session today?